God's Will

I normally let you off the hook of not reading my long ones, but this one is a must read all the way to the bottom. So take a break, get a Kleenex, and brace yourself...

I don't know what to say. My heart is absolutely breaking for this family. In most situations like this, you question your faith. In most situations like this, you lose your faith. In most situations like this, you start to question your own life. The faith, the love, the trust, the soul if this woman is remarkable, unbelievable, and once again un-human. Please make yourself vulnerable to put yourself in this situation. Keep in mind, that she delivered their first child around a month ago, and this has been going on for over 3 months. How would you react under these circumstances? It's not pleasant to think about, but I hope that this is some encouragement for your own walk with God. I hope that Judy's story/testimony/faith makes you want to live a better life. I know that my eyes have been open to many blessings and opportunities that otherwise get taken for granted on a daily basis. This is copied directly from her blog today. If you do nothing else productive today, read this story. And pray. Please, please pray.

Day 97 - 7.15.09

8:30 pm - To state the obvious, this is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. Leaving Keith the past two nights I have said goodbye to him knowing it could be last time I get to do so. It's when I do that that I realize how many people don't have the same opportunity. If God is taking Keith, He is allowing me a closure that I am extremely grateful for.

I cannot imagine loving anyone more than I love Keith. I would trade places with him in a heartbeat and I know that he loves me so much that he would never let me. That's why when I talk to him I tell him that I am the luckiest girl in the world...and I mean it.

On Saturday I completely surrendered to God's will. I told Keith how much I loved him. I then said the hardest sentence of my life. I told Keith that it might not be part of God's plan to have him here with me. And if that was the case, I would be okay. I cried and I cried, but I wanted Keith to know that I would be okay.

Sunday night is when I got the call that things were going south. That was the longest night of my life. I knelt by Keith's bed and prayed and prayed. Keith was working so hard to breathe. I looked at Keith and said the second hardest thing of my life. I told him to keep fighting. But if he got tired, it was okay. If he needed to take a break, I wanted him to relax. I told him that I loved him so much and that if he needed to leave me, I would be okay.

On Monday we had so many wonderful prayer times over Keith. When it was just my family in the room we had another one. We all joined in complete surrender to the Lord and we released Keith to God. We, in an act of total trust, lovingly released one who is so dear to all of us. We are now just waiting to see if God is going to give him back.

Keith pretty much remains the same as far as numbers are concerned, but his behavior is increasingly less and less. His body is dying. The analogy given concerning his heart is this: You can whip a race horse over and over but eventually it can do no more. The doctors still have no idea what caused his heart to fail. One speculated and made it clear that he wasn't sure if Keith was a candidate for it, but it was only thing he could come up with. Oddly enough, it is called Broken Heart Syndrome. Keith might not be a candidate, but I know I am. If they scanned my heart they would surely find that it is broken.

If God is taking Keith, it would be easy to ask why He didn't do it the night of Keith's accident. Keith surviving is a miracle in and of itself. I may not have all the answers, but I have one for me. Keith and I have had countless special moments throughout all of this. Some I have mentioned, most I have not. I have gotten to love Keith in a way that is different from before. My love has gotten deeper.

Today I received a message from one of Keith's ICU nurses in Austin and I hope she doesn't mind that I am sharing it here. She is referring to a time before Keith had made any improvement and was not responsive at all. It is one of the special times I had with Keith that easily could not have taken place. This is what she sent: You might not remember me, but I met you and Keith at Brackenridge ICU. One day in particular stands out in my memory as a moment I'll probably never forget. You slept through much of it, so I doubt you were aware, but at least half the unit that day stopped to admire and comment on the gentle, loving, and purposeful way he played with your hair and stroked your face while you slept at his side. In dealing with similarly injured patients on a regular basis, I think we all realized just how special and very different his behavior was whenever you were nearby. All that said, I would never venture a guess at someone's awareness, but I can verify that when I say he responded differently to you, I mean it. He was as gentle as could be with you every time I saw you two together. And while I'm sad for the things you and your family have had to go through, I do not feel sorry for you. I greatly respect and admire your dignity and grace. I can't imagine the plan God has for you, but He certainly has a great deal of trust that you can weather it. For that reason alone, I'm glad to have met you. It boosts my faith a little every time I remember...

Please know that I am still praying for a miracle. I believe that God can heal Keith from head to toe. I trust in His goodness and know that His love for Keith and me is much deeper than our love for each other. I now also know what it means to wait upon the Lord.

Please continue to pray for Keith.