Over The Top

Today is going to be a special blog. Here's what happened:

Keelie at Red Writing presented me with an award. Forgive me for not showing you what the award looks like, but know that it's tucked away in the trophy case of my heart rather than plastered on my blog for all the world to take for granted. I would say that it's more of an honor than an award. Keelie follows just under 1000 blogs and and has just as many followers of her own blog. She had to choose 6 blogs to give an "Over The Top" award to, and I was a recipient of one of these awards. I don't think she meant that my blog itself is over the top, but I think she was insinuating that maybe my style goes over the top on occasion (reference Easily Amused, My Name's Chad Davis..., and Gratitudes and Apologies). Anyways, here's what I have to do:

Copy and change the answers to suit you and pass it on. It’s quite tricky to use only one-word answers! Have Fun!

1. Where is your cell phone? Desk

2. Your hair? Gelled

3. Your mother? Love

4. Your father? Legacy

5. Your favorite food? Chops

6. Your dream last night? Sporadic

7. Your favorite drink? Coffee

8. Your dream/goal? Servant

9. What room are you in? Office

10. Your hobby? Golf

11. Your fear? Alone

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Home

13. Where were you last night? Friends

14. Something that you aren’t? Perfect

15. Muffins? Banana-Nut

16. Wish list item? Sofa

17. Where did you grow up? Gunter

18. Last thing you did? Awoke

19. What are you wearing? Green

20. Your TV? Neglected

21. Your pets? SASHMOBODEANYOUOWECRITTERCRITTERYOU!!!

22. Friends? Abundant

23. Your life? Improving

24. Your mood? Anxious

25. Missing someone? You

26. Vehicle? HUGE

27. Something you’re not wearing? Invisibility-Cloak

28. Your favorite store? iTunes

29. Your favorite color? Gray

30. When was the last time you laughed? Chuck

31. Last time you cried? Miracle

32. Your best friend? Dave/Chad

33. One place that I go to over and over? Sin

34. One person who emails me regularly? Coach

35. Favorite place to eat? Kitchen


Thank you Keelie! That was fun, and brought back a lot of memories of those forwards from high school. Not many will admit it, but everyone likes to fill those out; it gives them a reason to talk about themselves, and lets be honest, that's everyone's favorite topic of conversation.

I'm supposed to forward this on to 6 other people and tell them that they have won the "Over The Top" award. Instead, I am going to let everyone and anyone who wants to win be the winner of my award. So copy and past as you please.

Side Note: I wonder why spell check didn't recognize the name of my pet?

You Complete Me

My Dearest Friend,

Before I met you, my life was so incomplete. I can't believe that we had gone that long without knowing each other. It's actually hard for me to think of what it was like before you and I came together. It seems like I was always searching for you and never knew it; there was definitely some emptiness in me that only you could fill. With you by my side, I fill like anything is possible.

I have to admit, when I first heard about you, I wanted nothing to do with you. I actually refused to have anything to do with you because it seemed that everyone you came in contact with fell in love with you. I was not going to let that happen to me; stubborn I know. I feel like our first meeting was under false pretenses because my heart wasn't in it. I was actually told by the higher-ups that you and I had to meet. I hope that you will be able to forgive me upon hearing this confession. Although, I know that you will, you always forgive me because you're perfect.

Since you've been in my life, everything else seems pointless. You have found a way to brighten all that was once dull. I want to spend every waking moment with you. If it were legal in Oklahoma, I would probably marry you; our chances might actually be better in Arkansas. Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night and check to see if you are still there. A lot of times, I'll see that you let me sleep and you just left me a message. Other times, you actually wake me from my sleep to talk to me. I don't mind though; how could I ever get upset with something so brilliant.

My other friends didn't want us to be together because you are black. They were telling me to go find a white one. Racist, I know. My friends also told me that there were others out there like you, but we both know that's not true. You are one of a kind. They told me to wait a little while longer and something better would come along; lies. You are magnificent in all that you do, and they are just jealous.

Anyways, I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate you. I want the world to know how wonderful you are. 'NSync said it best, "God must have spent a little more time on you." I think this is only the beginning of a beautiful relationship. I look forward to every experience with you. I don't ever want to try to conquer a situation without you on my side.

You are the best iPhone in the whole world, and I never want to part from you.

I love you,
Chad Michael

Anxious Eagerness

My mind has been stretched to its limit over the past couple of weeks. I have so many things bouncing around my head that it's hard for me to focus on whatever task or activity I'm doing at that moment. It's not so much of me being unable to multi task, but it's more of me not being able to stay out of my head. I'm being haunted with the realization that life as I know it is about to change.

I believe everyone goes through these mental battles as certain deadlines approach. I remember similar feelings before both of my graduations. I bet fiances experience this inner turmoil as their wedding date approaches. Also, when couples know the arrival of their first born is only a few months away. Yet, I bet it's not as dramatic as someone who can see the end of their life approaching; I wouldn't be able to fathom what is racing through your mind after coming to that realization. Luckily, I am just being badgered with the knowledge that I'm about to move.

There are so many things that I want to do before I leave. There are so many people that I want to see and spend time with. There are also a few situations that I want resolved. I want to take full advantage of the 3 hour drive from OKC to Dallas/Gunter and the 5 hour drive from OKC to Lubbock; after the move, both of these drives are doubled. It's not that I want more time, and it's not that I don't want to go. I am super anxious and extremely eager to move; I am ready to further my career. I just want to make the best of the time that I have left here in OKC.

Anyways, keep me in your prayers. Pray that I find peace during this whole situation and that it doesn't distract me too much. Also, continue to support me with the decision discussed in my previous blog.

Let Me Explain

(I know this is long. I've been writing this post all day so I don't expect you to read it all at one time; or even read it at all. This is mostly an explanation for myself. Things that I want to get off my chest and put in writing so that I can look back later and know what was going through my head at this point in my life. Whether you read it all or not, its not important.)

I took a couple of weeks off from blogging because I needed a break. I was running out of ideas, I was busy with work, and I was tired of being transparent when all I wanted to do was hide. This summer was tough on me. It wasn't physically tough unless you consider going out of town every weekend tough, but I thought that part was pretty fun. It's all the other things that were tough on me; the things I was trying to hide from or just plain ignore. Let me explain:

My game plan for this summer was to take time to get closer to God. That did not happen. Actually, the exact opposite happened. To be brutally honest, I knew it was going to happen; you could even say that some sick part of me wanted it to happen. I know that sounds slightly sadistic to any normal Christian. However, if you know me in the slightest, then you know I haven't ever claimed to be normal in any aspect of my life. At the beginning of the summer, there were a few changes that threw my world off balance. Let me explain:

A couple of weeks ago, we had a small group discussion about the pillars of your Christianity, and one of the pillars was earthly relationships you form that are pivotal in your relationship with Christ. Thinking about this, there are three recent relationships that stick out the most to me. Doug, Bonnie, and Dave. Doug was the college pastor that I've been assisting over the past 2 years. At the beginning of summer, Doug found out that he was going to take a different job at a different church in a different town, and he would be leaving the OKC area. There should be no explanation needed about what happened with the Bonnie relationship at the beginning of the summer. And lastly, Dave went to work at a camp for the entire summer. This left me in an awkward position. Let me explain:

For the first time in my life, I was going to be alone. Absolutely and completely alone. After about 2 days of solitaire, I came to a realization. I can't be alone. I am not one of those people who enjoy their own company. I actually (along with many others) find myself to be quite annoying. Anyways, this is when I canned the idea that I was going to stay by myself this summer. I started leaving every weekend and finding new friends for the weekdays; pretty much, doing anything that involved a social scene. With all if my socializing, this put God on the back shelf. Exactly where I wanted Him. Let me explain:

In all three of my pillar relationships, I felt like it was expected of me to be a "good" Christian. More than that, I felt like it was my responsibility to be close to God. It felt like I had to give off this morally, Christian persona, or else, someone was going to be disappointed in me. Again, I am just saying how I felt, I know that this was not actually expected of me by any of these three. I also know that they would probably scold me for not telling them that this is what I was thinking. All the same, I felt like I was getting closer to God more because they were wanting me to and less because I was wanting to. This is the part that bible scholars would frown on; I decided to push God away. Let me explain:

I was telling a friend that I wanted to get to a point where I was so broken that all there was left to do was turn to God; on my own accord. I wanted to come back to God in complete surrender, knowing that there was no where else to turn, knowing that I was coming to Him because I wanted Him and not because I felt pressured to come to Him. I wanted to get to a point where I yearned for more Jesus in my life and didn't care if there was room for anything else. I finally hit that point. The other day I broke down. Let me explain:

I finally got to the point where I missed God so much that I was ashamed of how I had been treating Him over the past 3 months. I know that this entire blog is supposed to be an explanation, but there is no explanation for the way that I broke down. At least no earthly explanation. It had to of been all spiritual because I am quite positive there is nothing on this earth moving enough to make me cry, and I had tears rolling down my face. This was my sign. I now want God front and center. I want to eliminate everything that distracts me from His amazing grace.

Grace. Again, I am so undeserving, and it's ridiculous how He offers it so freely. It's unexplainable.