Hold Strong, Little Beaver

Last night, I passed up all opportunities to leave my house, and I just stayed in. My roommates both had agendas or found something to do, but I opted out of everything. I wasn't sitting back and relaxing, though. I wasn't working on projects around the house. I wasn't even listening to Twili... err I mean a really good book on tape either. I was in my bed. I wan't sleeping or sick. I was hiding.

I was hiding under the covers as if there was a monster in the closet about to get me. I wasn't hiding from a person or a thunderstorm. No, I was hiding from my day. Yesterday, was the weirdest, most (and yes I'm going to use this word and all explain why in a second) emotional day I have had in a very, very long time. It had its ups, downs, arounds; everything you could ever want out of an emotional roller coaster.

It seems that the blog demons were after me yesterday. If you recall, I just wrote a blog about my emotionless soul (soul? I don't know, just go with it). Well, yesterday, it seems that there was some supernatural force out to get me. If you are curious about the exact events, I will be more than happy to share them with you on a more private network, but right now, I'm just going to run you through my emotional-jungle-gym of a day.

The day started off with a panic. Then, went to a depression and betrayal stage. I spent some time in this stage and experienced some of the other goodies like confusion, anger, worry, etc. Then, in an instant, I was lifted to an unexpected high. A woman (or a very pansy, eye-beaverless man) would have probably cried with joy in this situation. This brought on feelings of excitement, joy, anticipation, anxiousness etc. Next, I had a conversation that brought on remorse, sadness, and sorrow. Then, I just went and hid for the rest of the night.

I couldn't take it anymore. I just wanted the day to end, and to get to start all over. Today, as I look back, and not just on yesterday but over the past year or so, I can see movements and events that were far beyond my control. Experiences, relationships, activities, pretty much everything, all came to a new meaning yesterday. Now that the smoke has cleared and the dust has settled, I can see God's undeniable presence throughout each and every occurrence over the past year.

I had no clue what was going on at the time, nor did I even recognize God's hand, but looking back now, I cannot deny that God was in control. (English teachers, get ready for the run-on) I wrote a blog about me feeling like I was in one of those situations where you know something big is taking place but you have no clue what it is, and you have to feel kind of dormant for a while before it becomes clear (read the blog here). Well yesterday, it all came clear. Isn't it awesome to know that God, is in control?! Even when we have no clue what's going on or why things are happening, God is in control. Its amazing to get to look back and see where He carried us through the rough parts, and to understand why our own agendas were knocked off course. And actually be thankful that things didn't work out the way we wanted.

God is good. I am happy.