Bitter Sweet

Today, I am traveling to Conway, Arkansas. In the coming months, there will be many trips like this one, and in the coming year, I will travel this road many more times. I am moving to Conway. For the next few months, I will be training with our outside salesmen and spending a lot of time in the Arkansas area. I am super excited about this opportunity and cannot wait to start over again.

Start over again. I am getting used to this. Within the last five years, I've started from scratch on numerous occasions. I'm not just talking about picking up and moving, but I've started over in many other areas of my life as well. Almost all of these instances have been for the best. I do enjoy starting from scratch, and I hope that this won't be the last time. More than anything, I enjoy meeting new people and going new places. It's easy for me to make friends because I can blend in or get along with just about any crowd.

There aren't many bad things at all about moving to Conway, but the worst part is having to leave all my friends in Oklahoma. It's a bitter sweet feeling knowing that I get this amazing chance to work on my career, but I have to say bye to all of the awesome people that I've met over the past 3 years. The good thing is that I' ll still be based out of our Oklahoma office and will get to visit often. It's not set in stone when I'm moving for good or for how long I'll be in Arkansas, but before I go for good, I plan on spending as much time as possible with my friends.

I do know that it will be good for me to get to start over again. I think I've come to a point to where I needed something to change, and a change of scenery is probably the best possible solution. All I know is that this opportunity could not have come at a better time. There is no logical explanation for the way that events and the timing could have fallen in the right place; other than God's control.

It's good to know God is in control.

Just A Thought...

Here are some interesting thoughts for you today...

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no Internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

How are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I would rather try to carry 20 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier and sluttier every year?

Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Crap!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

Hold Strong, Little Beaver

Last night, I passed up all opportunities to leave my house, and I just stayed in. My roommates both had agendas or found something to do, but I opted out of everything. I wasn't sitting back and relaxing, though. I wasn't working on projects around the house. I wasn't even listening to Twili... err I mean a really good book on tape either. I was in my bed. I wan't sleeping or sick. I was hiding.

I was hiding under the covers as if there was a monster in the closet about to get me. I wasn't hiding from a person or a thunderstorm. No, I was hiding from my day. Yesterday, was the weirdest, most (and yes I'm going to use this word and all explain why in a second) emotional day I have had in a very, very long time. It had its ups, downs, arounds; everything you could ever want out of an emotional roller coaster.

It seems that the blog demons were after me yesterday. If you recall, I just wrote a blog about my emotionless soul (soul? I don't know, just go with it). Well, yesterday, it seems that there was some supernatural force out to get me. If you are curious about the exact events, I will be more than happy to share them with you on a more private network, but right now, I'm just going to run you through my emotional-jungle-gym of a day.

The day started off with a panic. Then, went to a depression and betrayal stage. I spent some time in this stage and experienced some of the other goodies like confusion, anger, worry, etc. Then, in an instant, I was lifted to an unexpected high. A woman (or a very pansy, eye-beaverless man) would have probably cried with joy in this situation. This brought on feelings of excitement, joy, anticipation, anxiousness etc. Next, I had a conversation that brought on remorse, sadness, and sorrow. Then, I just went and hid for the rest of the night.

I couldn't take it anymore. I just wanted the day to end, and to get to start all over. Today, as I look back, and not just on yesterday but over the past year or so, I can see movements and events that were far beyond my control. Experiences, relationships, activities, pretty much everything, all came to a new meaning yesterday. Now that the smoke has cleared and the dust has settled, I can see God's undeniable presence throughout each and every occurrence over the past year.

I had no clue what was going on at the time, nor did I even recognize God's hand, but looking back now, I cannot deny that God was in control. (English teachers, get ready for the run-on) I wrote a blog about me feeling like I was in one of those situations where you know something big is taking place but you have no clue what it is, and you have to feel kind of dormant for a while before it becomes clear (read the blog here). Well yesterday, it all came clear. Isn't it awesome to know that God, is in control?! Even when we have no clue what's going on or why things are happening, God is in control. Its amazing to get to look back and see where He carried us through the rough parts, and to understand why our own agendas were knocked off course. And actually be thankful that things didn't work out the way we wanted.

God is good. I am happy.

My Eye Beaver

You probably can't tell, but on the surface, I'm not a real emotional person. You wouldn't know this from my writing because I'm kind of a pansy when I write, but I get some kind of emotional release from blogging or journaling. A lot of people criticise me for blogging, but I think it's good for me; almost therapeutic. When I write, it's about the only way you could ever really tell what kind of mood I'm in. When I'm around people, I can fake a happy persona, but it's hard for me to write about merry and jolly things when I'm not feeling up to it.

I don't really let my feelings show unless I'm happy. Actually, it's abnormal if you see me with something other than a blissful attitude. I often claim that it's the only emotion that I'm capable of having, but that isn't true; it's just the only emotion I ever show. If I'm ever feeling anything other than happiness, you generally won't know because I always have a smile on no matter what inner turmoils I may be going through. However, I do get silent when I'm too tired to put up a front.

And then, there are the emotions that I dread. I call these the relational hazards. Almost every girl I've dated has mentioned something about my lack of emotions. I can't really get romantic or apologetic or jealous or smitten or regretful or embarrassed or whatever other emotions a relational roller coaster is supposed to take you through. The worst is trying to act surprised. I know that I'm supposed to make some kind of gesture that shows how shocked I am, but my efforts aren't always convincing. Although, one good thing about this is that I don't ever get mad.

On top of everything, I don't cry. Ever. Does this make me cold? I don't think so, but if you ever want me to show you some kind of compassion, don't expect to see tears running down my cheeks. It's not like I hold these feelings off or I fight back tears; they just don't come. If anything, I push for these emotions. I want to cry, but every time I feel moved enough to sob it just stops and goes away. I usually end up going into this coughing, choking mode because I have this lump in my throat but no way to let it out. However, I'm the king of the lip-quiver. If I ever start to open up about something really moving in front of a crowd, you can bet on my lip shaking. But no tears. I've tried to get them to roll, but it's like a tiny eye beaver built up a dam in my tear ducts. Is that a medical term; Eye Beavers?

Anyways, I do hope that some day all this will change. Maybe, it'll take some catastrophic event like having a baby or getting married to break the dam and open the flood gates to my emotions. Personally, I don't see either of those happening anytime soon.... Hopefully, not anytime soon.

Easily Amused

I just realized another defining characteristic about myself that could be shared with the crowd. I'm super easy to please. This was brought to my attention because my day just got a lot better by a very small event. I was surfing the Internet, and I decided to drop by the library website to check on the reserve status of a book that requested. To my enjoyment, I saw that I was the next one in line to receive a copy. This made my day; I was instantly put in a good mood. Seriously. I'm not going to divulge the book's title to you, but just know that the acknowledgment of a book reservation coming to its end made me happy.

That's all I have to say. Believe it or not, I am staying in Oklahoma this weekend, and for once, I have absolutely no plans.

Friday Fotos: Since we are on the subject of being easily amused, I want to show you some pictures that make me happy...

Snorkels: Always a good time.

Jenna in a bunny cut out: what's not to laugh at?

Statue camel rides: Although you won't get anywhere fast, still enjoyable

Large people at concerts: they always go and stand in front of the shortest person they can find.

Rollers: Have you ever seen a woman in rollers and not laughed?

Greg's go-to fist pump when he gets excited: Always pleasing

Dave's best dance move: At no point should you ever have both fingers pointing to the sky while on a dance floor.

O Brother, Where Art Thou?

I lied. I felt wonderful this morning as I was Crop Dusting my way to work. Now, I'm motivated to write A Little Something Sweet. I know you might be thinking, "Huh?" but I'm not going to explain so just follow along. If you did catch that, then you know who this is directed to.

Where did you go? You were all doing so well, and then you just disappeared. Now, you've fallen off the face of the earth, again. I know that you all lead busy, busy lives, but I don't think you understand how much you're missed. I'm so far away and isolated on the reservation that I have no clue what is going on in your lives. I know that you've never been here to see me, but I just want to assure you that not much has changed since the last time you read up on Oklahoma. In case this message reaches, know that I am blending in well; I look pretty sweet in a head dress and face paint. The peace pipe is a personal favorite. They have renamed me "Fights Like Girl" whatever that means. You know, they're actually on to something with this whole Rain Dancing thing; we're getting flooded here. From what it sounds like, you all should give it a try.

I look forward to receiving word from you soon. However, I am worried sick about you due to lack of communication. For all I know, my neighbor's desperate attempts to break out of the reservation may have been successful, and you were hit with an arrow. Please write soon so that I know you are alive and well, or if you get on a whim, you should come and visit. I will make sure that my friends let you through the border without circling your wagons.

I do see fragments of your existence when I read the Red Writing. Last week, I read an article that made me go, "Huh?" but I think I might have imagined reading it because I haven't seen anything similar since. If I had just One Life Lived, I would suggest To Everything A Season that it's time for bright flashing lights and lovely sounds. As a matter of fact, the season is almost over for you to see those lights and waste your pennies.

Anyways, I look forward to a response and wish to SEE you soon!

P.S. The drugs are working and I'm feeling better. A little loopy if you can't tell...

Swift Kick

I'm probably not going to write anything this week. I have strep throat. I want to kick it in the face. I am at work and miserable. Pray that my strep throat gets kicked in the face.