Horrifyingly Beautiful Writer's Block

For the past week, I've been racking my brain for something to write about, but as you can see, nothing has come to mind. I've thought about blogging on my weekend in Dallas, and telling you about the horse races and Eli Young concert on Friday night, and going to Hurricane Harbor all day Saturday. Then, I'd say how awesome it was to hang out in Gunter on Sunday, and eat with my family and Aunt Di who just recently had a birthday. I would also write about how I'm going to Midland for another wedding this weekend, but I didn't think all that would be intriguing enough to do an entire blog about.

I thought about writing a blog on all the rain we're getting, but could I really write more than a sentence on the rain? We can always use more rain, and it's a blessing that the floods are coming in Oklahoma, but I don't think I could say enough about thunderstorms to hold your attention for more than a paragraph. From what I understand, it would be best if it was going a little further south, and not just revolving around OKC. It is, however, making it harder to get up for work in the mornings because the sound of the rain on my window is so relaxing. The other night, I was out with a buddy, and we had to seek refuge because there was a tornado that hit a couple miles away. You should have seen the sky that night; it was horrifyingly beautiful. But really, I couldn't write a whole blog about the rain, so there was no reason to even mention it.

I also thought I could write about my new favorite hobby. I've been going in and out of every pawn shop in OKC looking for my iPod and camera. I've had more fun pawn-shop-shopping than anything else these past few weeks. There aren't any pawn shops around the nice, respectable areas of Oklahoma. To find the pawn shops, you have to go to the dirtiest, scariest parts of the city. For instance, most of the good pawn shops are on the same street as BoBo's Chicken and Cee Cee Wigs. I haven't bought anything or had any success finding my belongings, but I could easily write a book about all of the people and shop owners that I've come across. If I did choose this topic, it would be too long, and you would probably lose interest around the time I write about an argument between a shop owner and a kid that ended in the shop owner screaming, "You lucky you got a mama that loves you cause you tha dumbess boy I eva met!"

So I guess I won't write about anything. I'm sorry for not having anything interesting enough to write about over the past week. Maybe, I'll have more ideas for something to write about in the coming week, or I'll experience some thought provoking epiphanies to bother you about.

GNITSERETNI YREV

Today has been a very long and backwards day. It seems like I have been having to start at the end of everything and work my way to the beginning all day today. So this is going to be a backwards blog. I'm going to tell you things that are NOT completely true about myself and show you pictures that go against everything I stand for.

I am super fast and coordinated. I am very good with girls, commitment, and telling the truth. I love to eat all kinds of vegetables in my foods like lettuce, tomatoes, and onions. I am a very sensitive individual and I cry all the time. I love to just sit around and do nothing. I love kids. And I'm gay.

!!!SEIBAB: SOTOF YADIRF

Here are a few pictures that really define who I am and my interests:

Boredom, Goodbyes, and Introductions

For those of you who might not know me, I'm a pretty active individual. I am always into something or going somewhere. I get bored really easy, and I always have something going on to keep me occupied. Last night, I got bored.

For the first time in about a year, I had absolutely nothing on my agenda. There was no one around to keep me company, my golfing buddy is about to get married so he was off doing wedding things, and there was no desire to go work out. I lasted all of 20 minutes before I got stir crazy and had to go find something to do. I went to the movie theater down the road and watched Harry Potter for the second time in less than a week. AND it was only $3 because it was before 6:oo!

Anyways, as I was looking around the theater at all the groups of friends and couples in attendance, it made me realize how much I'm looking forward to the fall semester. I know I'm not in college anymore, but the majority of the people that I hang out with are still in school. This makes me anxious to see their return from their summer break. The fall also means that I will be losing a close friend.

This semester, Phil will start Law School at OU, so he is moving to Norman. Phil and I have lived together for over a year, and he will be greatly missed. In the mean time, Dave and I have already found his replacement. Britney Kostner (better known as BK) is one of our friends from church and will be coming to live with us sometime in August. She's one of the funniest girls to be around and could possibly be the coolest girl ever. This is her:

My Own Accord

I'm in an anxious mood this morning. The day has just started and two miracles have already been brought to my attention. A lot of people would call this good luck, but if you are a believer then you know the source of these miracles. Even though he still has a long way to go, Keith is stable again. Stable; a word last week the Beasley's never thought would be used again in association with Keith's condition. Judy uses the word nightmare when she references last week's roller coaster of tragic events. She was to the point of telling him goodbye for good, and now, God has allowed more time to be spent by Keith's side.

The other blessing is a more sensitive and private subject, but I can tell you that there is no other explanation except for God. Both of these events happened to people that have been praying for these miracles to occur and had placed their entire situations in God's hands. In both cases, there were an abundance of people praying for these individuals and seeking God's movements. These two acts of God were enough to shake me out of a trance.

This summer, I had the intentions of drawing nearer to God. I was going to use this time to seek His guidance in my life and try to find purpose. I have done neither of these. If anything, I have been counter productive these past two months. However, I think that this little vacation has made me realize which direction I need to turn for answers. I feel that before this summer, I was doing certain things because it was the trend. Most trends have a negative connotation to them, but I think I was falling into positive trends. By slightly drawing away from my church crowd this summer, I can work on my walk and my relationship with God on my own accord.

So here's the thought provoking topic: are we Christians because it's a trend? Is it bad if we are? I think that if our heart is in the right place then we aren't in a trend. However, I think that we do a lot of Christian things because other people do them, or we think that it's expected of us. Not following? How about this, do you occasionally go to church because people would notice if you weren't there? Even though, your heart isn't in it, do you go because you don't want others to start thinking you are backsliding? If it's labeled the men's bible study, do you attend because you are a man in the church or do you go because it's an opportunity to learn more about God?

Next question, how do we break free of the trends? I have no clue. I wouldn't suggest following in my footsteps because I basically put myself on a tight rope. When I'm at work, I listen to music on my computer. The first song this morning was The Stand by Hillsong United. The chorus to this song might have the answer in it. I know it moved me, so I'll share:

So what can I say? What can I do? But offer this heart O God, Completely to You.
So I’ll stand With arms high and heart abandoned. In awe of the One who gave it all.
So I’ll stand. My soul Lord to You surrendered. All I am is Yours.

God's Will

I normally let you off the hook of not reading my long ones, but this one is a must read all the way to the bottom. So take a break, get a Kleenex, and brace yourself...

I don't know what to say. My heart is absolutely breaking for this family. In most situations like this, you question your faith. In most situations like this, you lose your faith. In most situations like this, you start to question your own life. The faith, the love, the trust, the soul if this woman is remarkable, unbelievable, and once again un-human. Please make yourself vulnerable to put yourself in this situation. Keep in mind, that she delivered their first child around a month ago, and this has been going on for over 3 months. How would you react under these circumstances? It's not pleasant to think about, but I hope that this is some encouragement for your own walk with God. I hope that Judy's story/testimony/faith makes you want to live a better life. I know that my eyes have been open to many blessings and opportunities that otherwise get taken for granted on a daily basis. This is copied directly from her blog today. If you do nothing else productive today, read this story. And pray. Please, please pray.

Day 97 - 7.15.09

8:30 pm - To state the obvious, this is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. Leaving Keith the past two nights I have said goodbye to him knowing it could be last time I get to do so. It's when I do that that I realize how many people don't have the same opportunity. If God is taking Keith, He is allowing me a closure that I am extremely grateful for.

I cannot imagine loving anyone more than I love Keith. I would trade places with him in a heartbeat and I know that he loves me so much that he would never let me. That's why when I talk to him I tell him that I am the luckiest girl in the world...and I mean it.

On Saturday I completely surrendered to God's will. I told Keith how much I loved him. I then said the hardest sentence of my life. I told Keith that it might not be part of God's plan to have him here with me. And if that was the case, I would be okay. I cried and I cried, but I wanted Keith to know that I would be okay.

Sunday night is when I got the call that things were going south. That was the longest night of my life. I knelt by Keith's bed and prayed and prayed. Keith was working so hard to breathe. I looked at Keith and said the second hardest thing of my life. I told him to keep fighting. But if he got tired, it was okay. If he needed to take a break, I wanted him to relax. I told him that I loved him so much and that if he needed to leave me, I would be okay.

On Monday we had so many wonderful prayer times over Keith. When it was just my family in the room we had another one. We all joined in complete surrender to the Lord and we released Keith to God. We, in an act of total trust, lovingly released one who is so dear to all of us. We are now just waiting to see if God is going to give him back.

Keith pretty much remains the same as far as numbers are concerned, but his behavior is increasingly less and less. His body is dying. The analogy given concerning his heart is this: You can whip a race horse over and over but eventually it can do no more. The doctors still have no idea what caused his heart to fail. One speculated and made it clear that he wasn't sure if Keith was a candidate for it, but it was only thing he could come up with. Oddly enough, it is called Broken Heart Syndrome. Keith might not be a candidate, but I know I am. If they scanned my heart they would surely find that it is broken.

If God is taking Keith, it would be easy to ask why He didn't do it the night of Keith's accident. Keith surviving is a miracle in and of itself. I may not have all the answers, but I have one for me. Keith and I have had countless special moments throughout all of this. Some I have mentioned, most I have not. I have gotten to love Keith in a way that is different from before. My love has gotten deeper.

Today I received a message from one of Keith's ICU nurses in Austin and I hope she doesn't mind that I am sharing it here. She is referring to a time before Keith had made any improvement and was not responsive at all. It is one of the special times I had with Keith that easily could not have taken place. This is what she sent: You might not remember me, but I met you and Keith at Brackenridge ICU. One day in particular stands out in my memory as a moment I'll probably never forget. You slept through much of it, so I doubt you were aware, but at least half the unit that day stopped to admire and comment on the gentle, loving, and purposeful way he played with your hair and stroked your face while you slept at his side. In dealing with similarly injured patients on a regular basis, I think we all realized just how special and very different his behavior was whenever you were nearby. All that said, I would never venture a guess at someone's awareness, but I can verify that when I say he responded differently to you, I mean it. He was as gentle as could be with you every time I saw you two together. And while I'm sad for the things you and your family have had to go through, I do not feel sorry for you. I greatly respect and admire your dignity and grace. I can't imagine the plan God has for you, but He certainly has a great deal of trust that you can weather it. For that reason alone, I'm glad to have met you. It boosts my faith a little every time I remember...

Please know that I am still praying for a miracle. I believe that God can heal Keith from head to toe. I trust in His goodness and know that His love for Keith and me is much deeper than our love for each other. I now also know what it means to wait upon the Lord.

Please continue to pray for Keith.

Privacy And Hormones

This weekend, I was accused of being a bad friend. I was accused by my best friend, and I definitely deserved it. If you remember a while back, I blogged about a birthday wish that was forced upon me (click on "birthday" to read about it). Not only did I not give him the wish that he wanted, but I found a way to do the exact opposite of what was asked of me. It was not a manner of him asking for the blue one, and I got him the green one. Instead, it was similar to him asking me for a car, and I got him flip flops.

Side note: I was accused of being a 16 year-old girl because I blog (and a number of other things). She said that it was similar to journaling and that only girls journal. I agree with the only girls journal part but not the blogging part. You can't reveal secrets and other sensitive matter on a blog (unless it's something like being addicted to Harry Potter), and it's more of story telling and entertainment than privacy and hormones. But, this whole situation is sort of a private/sensitive subject, so I occasionally have to write in code and use synonyms.

(This is the coded part) He wasn't all that mad when he found out that I got him the flip flops. He wasn't disappointed that he didn't get the car because deep down he knew that I wouldn't be able to get him the car. I guess, he just wanted to see me save up for the car. Even more surprisingly, he wasn't even mad that the flip flops actually already belonged to him. He was mad because he blatantly asked me if I got him the flip flops. He knew about the flip flops, but he specifically asked me if they were his flip flops and I said, "No." He was not a happy camper (pun intended on the camper) when he found out about the flops.

In my mind, I saw everything playing out differently. I didn't think my lie would matter at all. I thought that he would be more upset about everything else. I lied to him because I figured that I was dodging an argument about not doing what he said to do. I felt terrible about the bold face lie, but I thought it was going to help things in the long run. Please, tell me you see my flaw. I was relying on a sin to help me. Talk about a slap in the face. His primary disappointment was that I lied to him.

What an important lesson to learn. Two lessons actually! Lesson one, don't sin. Plain and simple. There is no justification for it. It won't help you, and it won't ever improve your situation. Lesson two, they are your friends for a reason. You may disappoint them. You may upset them. At the end of the day, you are friends. Especially, your best friends. Those are the people that can carry the worst of your troubles. They understand you better than anyone else. When you start thinking that there is a reason to deceive them because they won't understand, you are changing your relationship from friendship to mere acquaintances.

As I've admitted on many occasions, I am a fool. I am blessed to have such understanding and forgiving friends.

Book Review and A Prayer For Keith

I had a good time this weekend. I stayed the night in Austin on Friday night. Saturday, Dave and I went and saw Transformers 2, and went to San Antonio. We crashed his cousins bachelorette party (could become a new hobby of mine because it was awesome!) and hung out on the river-walk. I didn't even mind being in San Antonio; guess it's true what they say: time heals all wounds. I took tons of mental pictures with my imaginary camera, so I will share them with you at a later date.

During my travels, I finished 3 books. One was a Harry Potter book, one was a novel called The Collectors, and the other one was a C.S. Lewis book called The Great Divorce. The Great Divorce is a book that puts a whole new aspect on Heaven and Hell. It's hard to follow at times because C.S. Lewis was a genius, but the general concept is easy to grasp. It is a really short book, but it is a definite must read. I strongly suggest that you go to your local book store, get a copy, and spend about 3 hours one afternoon reading this thought provoking novel. It's amazing.


____________________________________________________



Please take time to pray for Keith Beasley today. He was not supposed to make it through the night but ended up pulling it out. They need all the prayers we can give.

Stay updated at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/keithbeasley

Let me get you started:
God, please place your healing hands on Keith and wrap your comforting arms around Judy and the rest of the family....

Streaks Of Simplicity

I feel like I'm leaving you in the dark about this whole "streak" thing. The streak is the consecutive weekends in a row that I leave OKC. I've spent one weekend in Oklahoma City since the beginning of April. On that weekend, I stayed because some plans fell through, but even so, I still ended up going to Tulsa for most of that weekend. Most of these weekends are planned trips or events that I'm obligated to be at, but a lot of them are spur of the moment. Take for instance this weekend. I didn't have anything lined up until about 30 minutes ago, and this was the conversation...

I sent Dave a text message to call me when he had a second...

Me: What's up, Dave?

Dave: Not much man. What are you up to?

Me: Just trying to sort out my weekend, what are your plans?

Dave: Nothing really. You should come see me and we will do something here!

Me: Sounds like a great idea; we could go see the Austin guys. They've been calling me to come visit.

Dave: Yeah! Or we could go to San Antonio and crash my cousins bachelorette party and float the river.

Me: Will she care?

Dave: Dude, I'm her cousin and she knows that I'm in the area; it's a given that I'm showing up.

Me: I'm game! So do you want to do that or Austin?

Dave: Don't know. It's a toss up.

Me: How about we talk about it when I get there tonight? I'll go ahead and pack a swim suit for the river.

Dave: K. See you tonight.

Me: Yay!

It's that simple. Needless to say, the streak continues with a trip to San Antonio/Austin/Gruene!

Foto Friday: This is a more emotional Foto Friday because of the recent theft of my camera. I will not be able to document this weekend's activities. Like wise, I can't even show you 4th of July pictures, so instead, I am going to make good on a promise. I was scolded for one of the pictures that I posted last Friday, so to make up for it, I said that I would put up a better picture.

This is Hilary (aka Red). She's the one that gets easily confused.

Disturbances Of Normal Functioning

My initial point of this blog was to provide insights and events that make me who I am today and what got me to where I am. I feel that I've left out a very crucial part of my personality that helps define who I am. As much as I have tried to resist it my whole life, I think that I have a small dosage of OCD. It explains why I can't just dabble into things. I always have to go to the extreme. Either I'm completely one way or completely the other; it's very rare that I toe the fence on something. It also explains my motivation behind certain tasks that I perform. Let me try to explain.

The first word in OCD is obsessive (having or showing excessive or compulsive concern with something). I was recently accused of being obsessed with certain things; tasks, objects, and even people. I know that I've always had the characteristic of getting so enthralled by things that they become the center of my focus. I can see how I'm obsessed with keeping things clean and in order, and the word concerned probably fits in this case. I can probably even see where I become a little concerned with people like girlfriends and close friends, but doesn't the word obsessed sound super creepy when used with people? Personally, I don't think that my concern for people is excessive, but I do know of some people who would argue this statement towards me.

The second word is compulsive (an irrational motive for performing trivial or repetitive actions, even against your will). This is probably the hardest part of my OCD to explain. I can't really say that I have any urges to do something outside of my own will. Yet, if I look at it from a sinners point of view, then it's an easy explanation. There are tons of sins that I wish I didn't fall into. Some sins, I even make an honest effort not to do, but for some reason or another, I always find myself coming back to. (Did you catch how good of a rhyme that was? That could be a sweet little poem. I'm going to go ahead and highlight that for you. Anyways, where was I...) I guess you could call me a compulsive sinner. Compulsive Eater. Compulsive sleeper. And yes, I am a compulsive cleaner/organizer.

The third is disorder (a condition in which there is a disturbance of normal functioning). HAHAHA! What better way to describe Chad Davis? Do I really need to go into great detail of my abnormalities? If you haven't figured out my strangeness by meeting me or reading my blogs then you need to pay closer attention.

Text Messaging Revelations

As you might have noticed, yesterday was an interestingly bad day for me. Starting the day off by realizing that you've been burglarized automatically puts a gloom on the day. I was late for work because I was on the phone all morning talking to credit card companies. I couldn't file a police report because there was no "break in" (opening an unlocked car door doesn't take a criminal master mind), and I couldn't file for insurance because the amount that was stolen didn't meet any sort of deductible. Plain and simple, I donated my camera, wallet, and iPod to the dishonest. I had to work long to make up for being late. I was going to have to use my tithe for any spending money because it was the only cash available. On top of everything, I would have to take a half day vacation because I had to get a new drivers license, and the average wait time at any Oklahoma DPS is approximately 2-3 hours.

During the day, I received an anonymous (seriously, no clue who it was) text message that said God is going to make 2 things clear to you tonight. I realized that it was just a mass text because it said something else like send this to 10 people or it won't come true. As if God is looking down on us going "OK lets see, you didn't forward my text message so no revelations for you tonight. Maybe next time you will obey your text messages!" I deleted the text almost immediately.

When I finally got off work, I went home and got in bed. I didn't want to put myself in any situation that could make the day get worse. I just wanted to hide under the covers and listen to Harry Potter (that's right, I'm still on my books on CD kick). As I laid in bed listening to the melodic voice of Jim Dale attempting to soothe my wounds, I started boiling over my misfortune. At the peak of my anger, my phone started ringing; it was the answering service for NOV. This was weird because I'm not on call so there is no reason they should be calling me.

Turns out, a jogger that lives directly across the street from me had found the contents of my wallet on the ground in our neighborhood and called one of my business cards to get a hold of me. Just when I lost all hope in humanity, I get slapped in the face by the hand of kindness. All of the contents of my wallet were returned; including: credit cards, driver license, and most importantly, my library card. This got me thinking about my anonymous text message. Do you necessarily have to forward a text message to receive an answer from God or do you just have to seek the answer?

So, I started thinking. Maybe, the thief was just desperate. Maybe, he needed those things more than I did. Maybe, taking my belongings helped support him in some way. Maybe, he had some debt that he needed to pay off or some starving family to support, and his back was so far against the wall that he was forced to steal to make ends meet. The physical items that were stolen can be replaced. I realized that I'm not really bitter about losing those items. Actually, the wallet and iPod were given to me by an ex-girlfriend and probably would have been surrendered willingly. The camera would have been a little harder to give up; more specifically, my memory card. I wish that I could have put the photos on my computer before losing it. Luckily, my mother had copied a few of them to her computer before I left, so not all was lost. Revelation number 1.

Then, I started thinking about what I was planning on doing for money. I was going to take my tithe and spend it for my personal needs. The money that is set aside for God as an offering to his glory was going to be spent because of my irrationally selfish pity. It's amazing how pathetic we can be when we think we're enduring times of despair. I thought back to the bible story of Nadab and Abihu; the two sons of Aaron that God engulfed in flames for burning the wrong type of fire offering. Their error: not following God's orders by using different ingredients for their offering. My error: planning to withhold my offering all together and spend it on myself. You tell me who deserved to be engulfed in flames. Kind of crazy to think of how important tithing can be, eh? Revelation number 2.

I'm an idiot. This was more rambling than anything, but I hope you can find something useful in my revelations. Wow, this was super long! I'm sorry.

Gratitudes and Apologies

Dear {Expletive} Who Broke In My Car,

You're welcome. You're welcome that I left my car unlocked for you last night. That stems from growing up in Gunter, Texas. I know you've never heard of it. It's not big enough to know about; that's why I developed the habit of never locking my car. You're welcome that I spent the weekend in Gunter and freshened my memory of that habit. You're welcome that I left my wallet in my car last night. That was due to me going to a drive through last night. Instead of trying to awkwardly put my wallet into my back pocket while sitting down, I just threw it in the center console and left it for you. You are welcome that while you were taking my wallet out of the console, you noticed my iPod. I left my iPod in my car because I only listened to it when I worked out, so there was no reason to ever take it in the house. You are welcome that next to my wallet and my iPod was my camera. You're also welcome that I went ahead and filled up the memory card for you with 4th of July pictures from the weekend. It was in my console because I travel all the time. If I ever took it out, there was always the possibility that I would have forgotten to pack it for a trip.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't leave you more money in my wallet. Last night, I tipped in cash so instead of $4 there was only $2. I should have left a note on my window that let you know that I only use debit/credit cards. I'm also sorry that none of those debit or credit cards work anymore. I also want to apologize for not leaving my iPod dock in my car. I'm sorry that I ran down the battery on my camera this weekend and left the charger in my desk at work. If I had known you were coming, I would have just gone ahead and taken all those out of my car to save you the frustrations of having to go to the store and buy all those new chords for my appliances with your own money; we need to work on our communication skills.

Thank you. Thank you for not taking my sunglasses that were sitting in the cup holder. Thank you for not taking any of my checkbooks that were in the glove compartment that you went through. Thank you for not taking my passport or my social security card that was left so that I could renew my drivers license. Thank you for not taking any of the gift cards that were next to my wallet, iPod, and camera. Thank you for not getting in my trunk and taking my golf clubs. Thank you for checking to see if my car was unlocked before you broke a window.

Lastly, thank you for teaching me a lesson. No hard feelings.

Love always,
Chad Davis

Done and Dunn

I'm super excited about the weekend because it brings my family's favorite holiday, 4th of July! We run a couple of firework stands in Gunter and cookout almost every night. What most people do in a day, we drag out over the entire week. AND we really like to blow things up! So the streak continues with me heading to Gunter for a 4 day weekend.

This last weekend I went to Lubbock for a wedding (Wally and Micah). It was a very sweet, very romantic wedding. I enjoyed it because I got to hang out with some old friends, Dave, and his family. Dave is 1 of 6 kids, and he has about one million immediate cousins. Any Dunn gathering is quite large and filled with many small children, but it's a very good time.

Thursday's Friday's Fotos: Pictures from Wally's Wedding this weekend

We looked good.

This is Dave's cousin Heath (hilarious human being!)

This is Hilary (AKA Red). Hilary is another one of Dave's cousins; Heath's sister actually (as you can see she gets confused easily)

Dave gave a very appropriate best man speech ending in the classic "May Wally and Micah's kids have a rich dad and a hot mom"

The sparkler tunnel

This started the wedding. From left to right: Tim (father), Dave, Wally (youngest), Lee (oldest), Luke (2nd oldest). They sang the Doxology a Capella. It was by far, the neatest thing I have ever seen in a wedding. I still get goose bumps thinking about it.

In The End

Have you ever wondered how you got to where you are today? Can you narrow it down to just one decision, or is it the outcome of many decisions? Here's a different kind of question: how many bad decisions have you made in your life? I encourage you to gander back over your life, and try to narrow down the worst decision you've made that is most responsible for your current state of being. Got it? (If you don't/can't think of that decision, these questions are just a waste of time (but if you are actually reading my blog you must be bored anyway)).

Now, think about how long it took you to make that decision.

Think about how God was involved in your final decision, or if He was involved at all?

Was your family or occupation effected most by this poor assessment? or either one?

Think about the sacrifices you made or are currently making for that decision.

Would your life be different if God was more involved in the decision making process?

The point of this is to make you realize that a poor decision can't define you. Maybe you aren't happy with where you are in life because of a bad decision; there is still time to make another choice. Just because you've already made that bad decision, does not mean that it has to be your defining characteristic. It's also likely that its not going to remain the worst choice you've ever made; there's still time to make a new one. Why not offset it by making an extremely good decision? Leave whatever poor situation you forced yourself into and start anew. Who cares if your life gets knocked off balanced and you're thrown out of your routine or comfort zone? Does it really matter in the end? How long do we actually have until the end? Any fortune cookie quote would go great right here, but I guess I'll leave you with this: life's too short to not be happy.

This is just something to provoke you, once again. I do not have an answer for you on what you should have done, nor do I have any reassurance that you have made the right decisions. I know that we are lucky to be loved so much that it really doesn't matter what decisions we make past the choice to receive Christ. I also am thankful that we get second chances. Grace is a wonderful, powerful thing. My personal outlook mirrors Solomon's conclusions on life which can be pretty gloomy at times, but one day, I think we will all look back and agree with him. I'm talking about when he explains that nothing under the sun matters. During this life, all you need to do is seek God. In this, true happiness is found. Looking back over my brief existence this holds true. Whenever I make a decision that is pleasing to the Lord or I dwell over what He really wants for me, I find that the outcome is brighter than when I seek after my own worldly desires.